shattering the audience

Politico announced this week that it was releasing PoliticoPro, a site with wonky details for policy "professionals"; subscriptions are expected to cost thousands per year. According to Columbia Journalism Review,

Politico Pro’s expected staff of forty journalists will provide “high-impact, high-velocity reporting on the politics of energy, technology and health care reform” for political and policy professionals.

It kinda sounds like they'll be doing what they're already doing, but with bigger words -- or perhaps it would be more accurate to say they'll use acronyms without defining them, since the readership will be assumed to be "in the know."

So I think COItc should offer something similar, and I'm happy to announce that in 2011 we will be offering COIPro for discerning audience members.

• A $500 annual subscription will provide live performances without programs or pre-show music (that stuff is for the plebes)
• $1,000 gets you expedited shows without the first half -- you're provided an index card with the gist of the first act and actors will speed through to the final moment of the play, assuming you know what you're about and don't need all that padding for beginners.
• For $10,000 you can just sit with the playwright in his apartment while he stares at his navel.

There is no larger audience: there are only insiders and suckers. (You'll need to check the wallets to see which is which.)